I don’t know about you, but it is easy for many of us to get puffed up when someone compliments us. If you are one who stands at the back door after the service, you will often hear complimentary comments regarding your message. If we don’t take this flattery with a grain of salt, we may find ourselves puffed up with pride. The devil can whisper in our ear and our flesh can turn up the amplifier. Howard Hendricks calls the backdoor handshake “the glorification of the worm.”

I remember the first time I was asked to preach at a large, prestigious church where approximately 5,000 people would be in attendance. I was getting dressed and feeling quite good about myself and the opportunity. While I was putting on my jacket I asked my wife, “How many great preachers do you think there are in America?” Sensing my head was about to explode, she replied, “One less than you think there is.” I got the message.

Rather than being amazed that anyone would endure our messages, we can become offended that all of our members don’t show up to sit under our wisdom. It is a subtle and satanic temptation to seek out those who will flatter us. The problem is that if you don’t cater to those who flatter you, they can easily turn against you.

To live for flattery is to run your ministry—and your life—on the basis of public opinion. It will make you politically correct and spiritually anemic. To have any other motive than pleasing God will result in an unsatisfying existence. When someone compliments a message I’ve delivered, I normally try to say something like, “The Lord honored His Word today. I’m grateful God used that word in your life.”

While we may believe we can handle flattery, we can be quickly leveled by verbal flattening or an anonymous letter. It’s when Sister Sourpuss comes at us with claws out, fangs first, and venom oozing out from head to toe. Finding a fault is never difficult to those who are determined to find it. In every church and every ministry you’ll find those who will never give you the benefit of the doubt. They are sure that your motives are mixed, that your theological training is lacking, your visitation skills are weak and your pastoral heart is missing. Truth is, you can’t win with those folks. Don’t try.

I would suggest that you read Marshall Shelley’s excellent book, Well Intentioned Dragons, if you are dealing with critics and cynics. It is one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read and one that I reread at least once a year. Before you are finished with the first chapter, you’ll find yourself saying, “Been there and done that.” We’ve all been there. We’ve all faced our fair share of critics. We’ve all heard too many caustic, cynical remarks made by carnal people.

Shelley has a profound warning in his book, “When attacked by a dragon, do not become one.” That’s easier said than done. The most dangerous and damaging thing you can do with your critic is to spend all your time vindicating yourself or justifying your motives. Your critics will not believe you no matter what you say, so you are just wasting your breath.

When I was pastoring in another state, one of the members of the pulpit committee gave me some sound advice and deep insight into what it takes to survive in the ministry. He said, “You will always have sixteen people in this church who are against everything you do. No more and no less, there will always be sixteen. They will never die. If they do die, someone will take their mantle. Don’t be afraid to make a decision based on the reaction of the sixteen. They didn’t like the last pastor, and they won’t like the one after you either.”

I’m not talking about those who correct in love. I’m talking about those who want to play Holy Spirit in your life. All of us have endured a deacon or board member you could never satisfy. In fact, one discovery I’ve made through the years in talking with disgruntled people is that many of them resisted a call to the ministry themselves. Now they are unfulfilled, disobedient and taking it out on those who answered the call.

Preachers make easy targets. Regardless of what size church we find ourselves in, we are known in the community as “the preacher.” That brings an intense scrutiny, and hunting season on preachers is open year round. Remember, those who criticize you have probably never walked the ground you’ve walked. Most preachers I know are good, decent people who are busy trying to move their congregation along another inch here and working diligently to prevent a backwash there.

A minister named Bob Cook once came to Harry Ironside, asking the famous Bible teacher how he should respond to criticism leveled against him. Ironside’s advice: “Bob, if the criticism about you is true, mend your ways. If it isn’t, forget about it!” To reply to a mean-spirited remark with another mean-spirited remark is like trying to remove dirt with mud.

In due time, the record will be set straight. We could all learn a lesson from Paul who said, “But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God” (1 Cor. 4:3-5).

Do your job. Let God set the record straight.

If we’re going to be usable, we must not assume that the next call of God on our lives is bigger, better, with more perks. It may be to a place without a name. Maybe God is leading you there to lift up the name of Jesus. What if Phillip hadn’t left Samaria? The eunuch would have never heard the gospel. Samaria is more attractive, but the call of God was to the desert.

Are you ready and willing to do God’s will? It might mean staying in a hard place. It might mean struggling through the storms. It could mean digging your heels in when you would rather retreat. It will mean you are going against the current. It will probably cost you health, energy, money, and maybe even your life. The question is: Are you usable? Have you given God a blank page and signed your name to it? Are you singing Wherever He leads, I’ll Go?

W. E. Sangster, the Methodist preacher during World War II, wrote some powerful thoughts in his journal. Read these words carefully.

“This is the will of God for me. I did not choose it. I sought to escape it. But it has come. Something else has come too. A sense of certainty that God does not want me only for a preacher. He wants me also for a leader—a leader in Methodism. I feel a commissioning work under God for the revival of this branch of His church—careless of my own reputation; indifferent to the comments of older and jealous men. I am thirty-six. If I am to serve God in this way, I must no longer shrink from the task—but do it. I have examined my heart for ambition. I am certain it is not there. I hate the criticism I shall evoke and the painful chatter of people. Obscurity, quiet browsing among books, and the service of simple people is my taste—but by the will of God, this is my task. God help me.”

I find my heart beating in tune with those statements. There have been times in serving the church where I’ve pastored for over 20 years that it would have been easy to leave, but God wouldn’t let me. There have been times when I was tempted by a bigger place, a more “strategic” ministry (whatever that means), but God never released me. I’ve been questioned by friends and acquaintances about why I’ve stayed here so long.

The city I serve in is declining, the population is changing, yet God’s call is still real. There were many battles in the early years—most I’ve been able to weather. But easy street does not mean I can be comfortable. Just because I’ve survived my enemies and critics doesn’t mean I’m to never be open to another call. If I am to be usable, I have to be available. What I want is God’s will— nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

I believe God has left me here to this point for several reasons. One, I’ve found a core who have a heart for God and His glory. They, like me, long for revival in our churches and in our land. They are committed to the Scriptures. They have joined me in seeking to change the world from a town of less than 100,000.

I have no idea how many good years I have left. I hope there are many. Whatever I have, I want to give it to God. Whatever He can do through this frail flesh and my limited gifts, I want Him to do it. God hasn’t called me to be famous; He’s called me to be faithful. I want to be faithful today, tomorrow, and until I cross the finish line.

I believe God has left me here to prove it can be done anywhere. You don’t have to be in a major city on the main highway or at the corner of What’s Happening Boulevard and Hip Lane. We’re off the beaten path. We’re surrounded by farms and plantations. Some would view such a place as a stepping stone. I view it as the will of God for me. Until He says do something else, here I am. By the will of God, this is my task. God help me.

Are you usable? Are you clay in the potter’s hand, willing to be molded into the image of Christ, or are you resisting His work in your life? Do you think, when God is working on you, He’s all thumbs? Do you question His plan and purpose? Do you ever accuse Him of not knowing what He’s doing? Admit it, we all have.

To be usable, you have to be teachable. To be teachable, you have to put yourself in a position to learn. You are not only responsible for what you hear, but for what you would have heard if you had been listening. By placing ourselves in a student role, the Holy Spirit can instruct us as to what He wants from our lives.

I distinctly remember (although painfully) sitting in Vance Havner’s apartment in Greensboro, North Carolina one spring day. I was going on and on about my ministry. Havner gently placed his hand on my arm and said, “Son, I’ve been young and I’ve been old. You’ve just been young, so why don’t you be quiet for a while.”

I also remember conversations I’ve had with younger men in the ministry. The overwhelming majority of them have been teachable. They’ve been willing to take advice and correction. Unfortunately, there have been those who have had a malignancy of the mind called, “I know better.” They refuse to listen to the older, wiser counsel and go off on their merry way. I’m not old, but I’m old enough to know when someone is headed for a train wreck.

Not being teachable and resisting the potter and the people He puts in your life to mold you can be disastrous. God gives us godly teachers, pastors, professors, and parents to help us along the way. When we listen to godly counsel and submit to Scripture, we can avoid a lot of train wrecks and heartache. Experience is a teacher, but I’d rather learn principles than lick the wounds of only learning by experience.

Over the years I’ve in some way mentored a few young men in ministry. It doesn’t take me long to determine if I was getting the old head bob of, “I’m hearing you, but I’m not planning on doing anything about it,” or the old, “I want to use you on my resume, but I don’t want to do what you say.” I worry that the younger generation will move the fence without ever asking why it was put there. I’m concerned that we have a generation of ministers who think nothing significant happened before they arrived on the scene. Until a young man is faithful, available, and teachable, there’s not much God can do with him. When he puts himself in a position where all he wants is to be used of God, he becomes a powerful tool for the kingdom.

The will of God is only revealed to the willing and the willingly obedient. God doesn’t waste His breath or His time on those with other agendas. If it’s about your ministry, your gifts, your talents, your future, and your fame, you can forget it. God doesn’t cast pearls before swine, nor does He sanctify the flesh or applaud fleshly motives. His call is to die to self, submit to authority, seek wisdom as a treasure, take up the cross daily, and crucify yourself. I hear much today about being relevant. What’s not relevant in relationship to eternity is what most churches call relevant. We’re cute, but we lack character. We sing, but we lack worship. We’re moving fast, but going nowhere.

In this day when Christianity is being marketed and preachers look more slick than spiritual, it’s hard to find someone who wants to take the road less traveled. It’s difficult to find young men and women who are willing to sell out to God and serve Him even if they are never famous or successful in the world’s eyes. We’ve bought the lie that bigger is better and that size impresses God. If those were God’s standards, the ministry of the prophets and Jesus would have been colossal failures.

Rather than a heart’s desire to hear “well done” from the Father, we want to be on the platform receiving the applause of men. Rather than being still to know God, we have power lunches to make sure we are with the movers and shakers. Rather than teaching doctrine, we tickle ears.

McFadden, the Auburn player, ran a straight line like he was running a 100-yard dash for a TD. He was never touched. About 15 yards from the end zone, he changed his stride and started high stepping. For that, the team was tagged with an “unsportsmanlike conduct” penalty. No player from Northwestern was within 20 yards of him. This is excessive celebration? You’re telling me that making a big play in a bowl game and running with a different “style” or “speed” is excessive? Give me a break.

This silly rule has to go. It punishes kids for enjoying the game. There’s a difference between celebration and taunting. Taunting is obviously inappropriate. But aren’t we supposed to celebrate when our team does something great?

This rule makes about as much sense as if they started penalizing the cheerleaders for excessive splits, tosses, and pompoms. Or they could penalize the position coaches for too much clapping when their players make a big play. Perhaps they need to consider the Gatorade bath as excessive celebration.

I got it…I just don’t get it. It’s a game. Should we penalize a team if their fans are too loud? What if their colors are too loud and are a distraction for the other team (I’m thinking Tennessee orange, for instance)? It could be that the home team’s colors could cause the visitors to have an inferiority complex. Can we penalize that?

I’ve been in ministry for nearly 40 years. I’ve never found a church to be guilty of excessive celebration. On the contrary, most worship services are boring. The choir has no expression, and the people look like they want to crawl back in bed. Rote singing leads to a rut in worship.

In worship, we’ve done the one thing the enemies of Jesus could never do: we’ve made Him boring. He’s not boring, but I’ve been in enough churches to know that some folks would have formed a committee to try to stop the crowd from cutting palm branches and laying them at the feet of Jesus.

I’m not just talking about Baptists, although that’s where most of my experience has been. I’m talking about watching the crowds in concerts with everything from a gospel choir to Christian rock. I’m talking about crossing denominational lines. I’ve been in some “happening” places and in Charismatic churches and see little difference. A few might “get it,” but the majority don’t.

I’ve discovered the further you are from the “action,” the less involved you are. Even in the church I pastor, the engagement in worship from those at the front to those sitting in the back can be as different as night and day.

I’m not promoting emotionalism in worship. I am saying that our worship is lacking a passion that I find called for in the Scriptures. If we really believed that we will worship for all eternity in the presence of the Holy One, we would do a better job of warming up here on earth.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Some folks won’t even open their mouths and drop their jaws to get a breath of praise out. Those around the throne are bombarding heaven with worship. Too often our churches bomb when it comes to giving praise to God.

Vance Havner said, “Some Christians shout like Comanche Indians at a ball game on Saturday and sit like wooden Indians in church on Sunday.” I was in a service with Havner back in the ‘80s. The music was terrible. It was like sitting through a concert of someone scratching their fingernails on a chalkboard. The guy leading the worship actually thought he was doing a good job. He turned to Havner just before the offering and said, “Dr. Havner, does the music have you ready to preach yet?” Havner looked up and, without cracking a smile, said, “NO!” Then he bowed his head.

Worship is first and foremost spiritual. It is not mindless, but true worship must stir the soul. Music is a gift from God. It soothes the soul. It stretches us to the heights of our ability to express praise to God. It communicates feelings like nothing else. I love worship. I love to worship with my church family. By the grace of God, we’ve moved from those on the stage being performers to being worshipers.

Worship should be excellent. God deserves our best. He inhabits the praises of His people. If the rocks will cry out, what’s wrong with our lives, which are just dust, crying out to God?

Excessive celebration? When? Where? I’ve rarely seen it. The world will not give up their only day off to come watch us go through the motions of worship. Where was the evidence of true worship in your church on Sunday? I’m not talking about style. I’m talking about substance. I’m talking about worship in Spirit and truth—the blessed balance of a Spirit-filled heart in tune with the Word and harmonizing with the Spirit.

I wonder if we’ll ever have it? I know this: I’d rather calm down a fanatic than try to breathe life into a corpse!

• The death of my father-in-law, E. B. Payne—a Korean War vet and former POW. I miss his laugh.

• The relationship God has allowed me to have with Warren Wiersbe, Tom Elliff, Bill Stafford, Roger Breland, Ed Litton, Ken Jenkins, and many others. These men have been a significant part of what God has done at Sherwood in this decade. I am eternally grateful for their prayers, support, and wisdom. They have marked my life and the life of Sherwood Baptist Church.

• The last TRUTH Concert—what I would give to see a reunion concert and tour. When Roger made me an “honorary member” on the last t-shirt, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. TRUTH was a strong influence in my life from the very beginning of my Christian walk.

• Both of my girls graduating from the University of Mobile. Watching them as they mature in their faith and walk with the Lord has been an encouragement to Terri and me.

• Erin’s  marriage to Bill in October. We all had a lot of fun. Terri did an incredible job of pulling it all together for a memorable day in our family.

• The establishment of Sherwood Pictures. Who knew? I still can’t fully comprehend what God has done with our five loaves and two fish.

• Writing five books in the last four years: Prepare for Rain, Fireproof Your Life, The Power of Desperation, The Power of Persistence, and, coming in early 2010, The Power of Surrender. I’ve always loved writing but never dreamed I would get a chance to write books like this. Several of them have been translated into multiple languages.

• Starting the ReFRESH™ Conference. I never dreamed it would grow the way it has. God has always provided the resources we need and allowed us to minister to pastors from 15 states.

• Serving as President of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Pastors’ Conference in 2008 and preaching at the conference in 2007 and 2009. I love pastors, and I’m grateful I was given those opportunities to speak into their lives.

• Traveling across the country and meeting people at movie screenings, state conventions, state evangelism conferences, and local churches who are longing for God to work in new and fresh ways. I never would have thought those opportunities would come. I’m grateful for those who entrusted pulpits and platforms to me in Alaska, Mississippi, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina, Arkansas, Texas, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Virginia, New Mexico, Utah, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, and Nevada. I’ve met some of the finest people on the planet who serve the Lord without fanfare or applause.

• Three trips to Israel with two more coming in 2010.

• Terri and I taking the Lord’s Supper together alone inside the empty tomb in Jerusalem.

• Taking my girls to Israel and sharing that experience as a family. Baptizing both my girls in the Jordan River, as well as my son-in-law and his parents.

• Ten years of a church in unity and prayer. Deacons who love Jesus and serve alongside the pastor. A staff that I love dearly, and staff wives who are the best of the best.

• Building and finishing off the 82-acre Sports Park—buying the land, developing the land, and seeing thousands of people use it every year.

• Building the new Worship Center.

• My prayer group. John Dees and Ron Dorminey have been in my prayer group for nearly 20 years. I love those two men and am so grateful for their prayers and counsel.

• Our home away from home in Gatlinburg. I go there to study, reflect, and prepare my heart and life. I love the mountains. They do something for my soul.
 
There’s more that I could add, but that’s my list for now. Maybe you should sit down and make your list. You might find that with the perspective of time, your list will have far more positives than negatives. Whether you classify something as “good” or “evil”, it has been allowed or orchestrated by God for your good and His glory.
 
Think about it.
 
Redeem the time.
 
Live for Him.

If we are honest, all of us have wondered about such things. Why? What were they thinking? How could they not see the consequences of such actions? Yet, at the same time, we know we are all susceptible to besetting sins and the temptations of the flesh. None of us is immune. By the grace of God, most avoid these traps. By the grace of God and the power of the indwelling Spirit, we refuse to take the bait, even when it is alluring and enticing.

But what was Tiger Woods thinking? Here’s a man who has been (apart from his inability to control his tongue) a role model for African American males. He has excelled at his game. He’s raised the bar. He has it all. But he might lose the only thing that matters: his family.

The first billion-dollar athlete in history has blown it. Every day it seems another woman comes out of the woodwork (pardon the pun). Woods is in the woods, if not the woodshed, with his wife, family, fans, and sponsors. While most of the sponsors say they are standing by their man, the reality is that they must be cringing at that face—the face of adultery, deception, call girls, lying, and uncontrolled passions—representing them.

Tiger is a public figure. He is a phenomenon. He is an amazing golfer. He is as disciplined an athlete as you’ll ever find. Apparently there are two or three things he can’t control: his tongue (rebuked by other golfers and the PGA for his constant use of profanity on the course), his temper (when he hits anything less than a perfect shot…and nobody is perfect), and his sex life.

While it is common knowledge that many athletes have a woman in every town, we’ve never seen an athlete like Tiger Woods. What was he thinking? He is married to one of the most beautiful women on the planet. A friend of mine and I were at the Masters several years ago and were standing about six feet from his wife. She’s prettier in person than she is in pictures. I’ve seen the pictures of some of the women Tiger is supposedly involved with, and they don’t hold a candle to Elin.

Did he think about those two beautiful children when he was playing romper room with those other women? Did he ever think about how this would affect and impact all the kids who look up to him as a role model? Does anyone really want to wear a Tiger Woods hat right now?

The problem with power, fame, and fortune is that you begin to think you are immune from scrutiny and consequences. You can begin to think you get a free pass. Isn’t that what preachers like Jimmy Swaggart did? They thought, “I’m serving God…I’m doing good…I’m building a great ministry…surely God understands these “minor” indiscretions.” Somehow, these situations are justified as a “right” in light of all the pressure the person is under. It’s their escape valve.

We have seen it increasingly with politicians, athletes, and the rich and famous. Faithfulness is out the window. Doing what I want, when I want, with whomever I want is now the standard. Why? The constant effort to remove moral absolutes from our culture. The desire for relative thinking leads to men justifying themselves.

Tiger and others work so hard to protect their image, and then one camera phone picture, one email, one voicemail brings their world crashing down. It’s a sad story of how easily the devil can deceive. His goal is to get folks who are at the top of their game to blow it so as many people as possible are wounded by their fall.

According to David Schmitt of Bradley University, “Overall, the best estimates are that between 15% and 40% of men will cheat at some point in their first marriage—best guess, 25%—whereas about 5% to 25% of women will cheat at some point in their first marriage –best guess, 15%.” According to an article in USA TODAY (December 8, 2009) by Sharon Jayson, “A news study suggests that narcissism and other personality traits affect short term mating.”

Narcissism, unbridled lust, surrounding yourself with people who will not speak truth into your life, a failure or refusal to be held accountable, these will lead to a life on the eve of destruction. When you start believing your press clippings or your fan club, or even your church members, who say you are the greatest this or that, you are in trouble.

David, a man after God’s own heart, fell because he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. At the time when kings went to war, David was taking some “r and r”. That decision to be in the wrong place led to making the wrong decision. Although David was a man after God’s heart, his life was blemished with adultery and murder.  His son Solomon took it further and had more wives and concubines than you can count. (Imagine having that many mothers -in- law!) These women called for his attention. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived, but women were his downfall.

The key difference between David and Solomon is that both were great sinners, but David was a greater repenter. We see Solomon talking about lessons learned from his pursuit of happiness in Ecclesiastes, but we see David’s public confession of his sin in Psalm 51.

What was Tiger thinking? I’m not sure. He is now the public face of a deep personal problem. I wish I could find a way to get him to see a biblical counselor. Tiger is now vulnerable. He will forever wear the badge of adulterer, even if his marriage survives. The thought of “I wonder if he’s still doing that?” will hang like a cloud over his next trophy. He needs to learn a new way of thinking about God, himself, his wife, and his moral obligations as a role model.

I wish I could give him a copy of The Love Dare and have him and his wife sit down and watch Fireproof. Not that I think those two things are the only things he needs, but maybe it would be a start.

What was he thinking? I don’t know. But I pray he will start thinking about how his private life has tainted his public persona. I hope he starts thinking about the impact of this stress on his marriage and his kids. Not just now, but for years to come. I hope he will find someone who can speak into his life and be brutally honest. Tiger needs to put himself in a cage for a while until he can domesticate his animal instincts.

What about you? What comes to your mind when you say, “I wonder if I could get away with (blank)?” It could be stealing from your company. It could be an affair. It could be the click of a mouse on your computer. It could be a thousand things. The question you must ask yourself is this: What will the end result be for me, my family, my reputation, and my future if I take that step?

One last word of caution: it’s never too late to make the right decision.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a conference with a brother in Christ who brought these Scriptures to mind. “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:7-9).

One of my heroes, and a dear friend, is Warren Wiersbe. I love his ability to cut to the chase and give deep insight into texts. This is what he says about these verses:

“As Peter wrote to the Christian husbands, he reminded them of four areas of responsibility in their relationship with their mates.

Physical – “dwell with them.” This implies much more than sharing the same address. Marriage is fundamentally a physical relationship: “They two shall be one flesh” (Eph 5:31). Of course, Christian mates enjoy a deeper spiritual relationship, but the two go together (1 Cor 7:1-5). A truly spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties and love his wife.

The husband must make time to be home with his wife. Christian workers and church officers who get too busy running around solving other people’s problems, may end up creating problems of their own at home. One survey revealed that the average husband and wife had thirty-seven minutes a week together in actual communication! Is it any wonder that marriages fall apart after the children grow up and leave home? The husband and wife are left alone—to live with strangers!

“Dwell with them” also suggests that the husband provide for the physical and material needs of the home. While it is not wrong for a wife to have a job or career, her first responsibility is to care for the home (Titus 2:4-5). It is the husband who should provide (1 Tim 5:8).

Intellectual – “according to knowledge.” Somebody asked Mrs. Albert Einstein if she understood Dr. Einstein’s theory of relativity, and she replied, “No, but I understand the Doctor.” In my premarital counseling as a pastor, I often gave the couple pads of paper and asked them to write down the three things each one thinks the other enjoys doing the most. Usually, the prospective bride made her list immediately; the man would sit and ponder. And usually the girl was right but the man wrong! What a beginning for a marriage!

It is amazing that two married people can live together and not really know each other! Ignorance is dangerous in any area of life, but it is especially dangerous in marriage. A Christian husband needs to know his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, and hopes. He needs to “listen with his heart” and share meaningful communication with her. There must be in the home such a protective atmosphere of love and submission that the husband and wife can disagree and still be happy together.

“Speaking the truth in love” is the solution to the communications problem (Eph 4:15). It has well been said that love without truth is hypocrisy, and truth without love is brutality. We need both truth and love if we are to grow in our understanding of one another. How can a husband show consideration for his wife if he does not understand her needs or problems? To say, “I never knew you felt that way!” is to confess that, at some point, one mate excommunicated the other. When either mate is afraid to be open and honest about a matter, then he or she is building walls and not bridges.

Emotional – “giving honor unto the wife.” Chivalry may be dead, but every husband must be a “knight in shining armor” who treats his wife like a princess. (By the way, the name Sarah means “princess.”) Peter did not suggest that a wife is “the weaker vessel” mentally, morally, or spiritually, but rather physically. There are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, the man is the stronger of the two when it comes to physical accomplishments. The husband should treat his wife like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase, in which is a precious treasure.

When a young couple starts dating, the boy is courteous and thoughtful. After they get engaged, he shows even more courtesy and always acts as a gentleman. Sad to say, soon after they get married, many a husband forgets to be kind and gentlemanly and starts taking his wife for granted. He forgets that happiness in a home is made up of many little things, including the small courtesies of life.

Big resentments often grow out of small hurts. Husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, admit hurts, and seek forgiveness and healing. “Giving honor unto the wife” does not mean “giving in to the wife.” A husband can disagree with his wife and still respect and honor her. As the spiritual leader in the home, the husband must sometimes make decisions that are not popular; but he can still act with courtesy and respect.

“Giving honor” means that the husband respects his wife’s feelings, thinking, and desires. He may not agree with her ideas, but he respects them. Often God balances a marriage so that the husband needs what the wife has in her personality, and she likewise needs his good qualities. An impulsive husband often has a patient wife, and this helps to keep him out of trouble!

The husband must be the “thermostat” in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that temperature is! Both are necessary. The husband who is sensitive to his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy, but will also grow himself and help his children live in a home that honors God.

Spiritual – “that your prayers be not hindered.” Peter assumed that husbands and wives would pray together. Often, they do not; and this is the reason for much failure and unhappiness. If unconverted people can have happy homes without prayer (and they do), how much happier Christian homes would be with prayer! In fact, it is the prayer life of a couple that indicates how things are going in the home. If something is wrong, their prayers will be hindered.

A husband and wife need to have their own private, individual prayer time each day. They also need to pray together and to have a time of “family devotion.” How this is organized will change from home to home, and even from time to time as the children grow up and schedules change. The Word of God and prayer are basic to a happy, holy home (Acts 6:4).

A husband and wife are “heirs together.” If the wife shows submission and the husband consideration, and if both submit to Christ and follow His example, then they will have an enriching experience in their marriage. If not, they will miss God’s best and rob each other of blessing and growth. “The grace of life” may refer to children, who certainly are a heritage from God (Ps 127:3); but even childless couples can enjoy spiritual riches if they will obey Peter’s admonitions.

It might be good if husbands and wives occasionally took inventory of their marriages. Here are some questions, based on what Peter wrote.

1. Are we partners or competitors?
2. Are we helping each other become more spiritual?
3. Are we depending on the externals or the eternals? The artificial or the real?
4. Do we understand each other better?
5. Are we sensitive to each other’s feelings and ideas, or taking each other for granted?
6. Are we seeing God answer our prayers?
7. Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of God’s blessing?

Honest answers to these questions might make a difference!”
(The Bible Exposition Commentary, 1989, Chariot Victor Publishing and imprint of Cook Communication Ministries. All rights reserved. Used by permission.)

I’ve been blessed to be married to the same woman for nearly 40 years (we married when we were children, that’s why we look so young). She is my best friend. She is a great pastor’s wife. She is an encourager. She’s a great mom to our girls. I loved watching her plan Erin’s wedding. She made the day special for our oldest daughter and special for our family. She’s a second-mile woman. Just getting by isn’t good enough for her. She does the little something more.

As a preacher, I’ve watched what happens when men don’t do the right thing. We’ve seen the devastating results of divorce and adultery in our family and in our church. It’s not easy. It’s a picture of torn flesh. Flesh torn because of selfishness and self-centeredness. Flesh torn because of sin. Flesh torn because we want our way instead of God’s way.

It is my prayer that God will use tools like Fireproof, The Love Dare and marriage ministries around the world to help turn the tide back to the “in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth, till death do us part” kind of homes. When we do, our kids will be healthier and happier, gangs will decline in influence, crime will decrease, and all without government intervention or police action. Just because two decide to live as one under the authority of God’s Word.

Satan is subtle. He doesn’t often hit us with a full-force frontal attack. He slips up on us and whispers in our ears. Sometimes he tells us what we want to hear. This is what the false prophets of the Old Testament did. At times he simply asks questions like, “Has God said?” or “God must not love you because you don’t have what so-and-so has.” He calls on us to question the love and grace of God. He gets us to evaluate by worldly standards of success, popularity, fortune, and fame.

The values of false teachers never lead to holiness. They encourage the flesh with a little spirit thrown in for good measure. In reality, there is little difference between the teachings of Oprah and those of many so-called Bible teachers on television. When I hear people talk about who they are reading, I want to vomit. I can’t believe people read the watered down books they read. Nor can I believe that any student of the Bible lacks such discernment.

Recently I did a sermon series on how to study the Bible. I did it because I am so weary of people taking Scripture out of context. Lifting a verse and forcing a square peg into a round hole may be popular, but it’s not sound hermeneutics or theology. It leads to a misrepresentation of who God is. God has spoken. He is a God of order, and He put words together for a reason.

While the theme of redemption flows through the Scriptures, no Bible scholar of the last 2,000 years would tell you the promises to Israel are promises to us. If we are going to claim the promises, we must also operate by the restrictions. If you are embracing the prosperity gospel and eating pork, you are as mixed up as a child in a tilt-a-whirl. This blending of covenants is confusing. It leaves people feeling like God has let them down.

The promise to Israel before the cross was prosperity; the promise to the church after the cross was persecution. American Christians are confusing the “pursuit of happiness” and the American dream with the Beatitudes, which speak of happiness but also persecution.

The snatch-and-grab, cafeteria Christianity being sold by most best-selling authors in Christianity grieves my heart. Some people confuse mercy with ignoring truth. Others misinterpret the prophet as a trouble maker. Paul was prophetic when he told the church that wolves would come. Jesus was prophetic when he said there would be those who would persecute His followers.

You can’t read the New Testament with any shred discernment and miss the point. It is filled with promises of who we are in Christ and warnings of what will happen when we live the Christian life in this fallen world. It warns us of those who will infiltrate the body of Christ and try to deceive, dilute, and destroy the purity of the gospel message.

The list is endless of teachers I see who are making millions off God’s people and teaching a distorted version of the gospel, if not a purely false gospel. Hank Hannegraff’s Christianity in Crisis is a must-read. He gives specific examples of errant theology that is filling our airwaves and clouding our minds.

Let me close with a few passages that warn us of this trend, which is more prominent now than at any time since the church sold indulgences. In fact, giving money to get blessings, healing, or answers to prayer is nothing more than selling evangelical indulgences. If Martin Luther were here, he would call it what it is.

“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’” – Matthew 7:15-23

“I know that after My departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be on the alert,” – Acts 20:29-31

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.” – Matthew 10:34-36

“For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things.” – Philippians 3:18, 19

Note that “many walk”—not a few here and there, many. Their god is their belly, fueled by a desire to feed their flesh. They justify that which is unjustifiable. For instance, a man commits adultery and yet continues to preach, although the instructions on godliness and holiness and the home are clear in Paul’s teachings regarding elders and teachers. We cover it up with “God forgives.” HE DOES. But there are consequences to our actions.

“They are enemies of the cross of Christ”—why? They preach a gospel without the cross. They refuse to talk about sin and the blood. They refuse to point out sin for what it is. They don’t preach on dying to self. Rather, they talk about your best life now, you can have it now, you deserve a break today, you want it, you deserve it theology, which is nothing but a false gospel with a few scriptures Sprinkled in.

Paul uses strong language here, identifying these people as enemies. They are opposed to the gospel of Christ. They are those described in Jude’s small epistle. They are, as one translation puts it, “shameless scoundrels, their design is to replace the sheer grace of God with sheer license.” The problem is so obvious that the illustrations are endless.

Wake up, brothers and sisters. Examine the Word. Study the Scriptures. Quit reading the Word of God with your favorite author’s book on top of your Bible. The Bible should never be interpreted through the grid of your favorite preacher. It should be interpreted historically in its context. What did it mean to the original audience? Then and only then can we ask, what does it mean to us? If you want to pick and choose, like some preachers do, instead of reading accurately the whole counsel of God, you will come up with God as you want Him to be, not as He is. That’s a dangerous place to be.

In his newest book, which should be in the joke book section not the inspirational section, he says, “Another few days of believing, another few weeks of doing the right thing, or another few months of staying in faith and you’ll see that promise come to pass.” Tell that to the 176,000 martyrs who gave their lives for the gospel this past year. Tell it to Christians in the underground church in China. Tell it to the Christians in Iran and other areas of the Middle East who may die for their faith and rejection of Islam. I’d like to see Joel start a church in the Sudan and see how it works. He wouldn’t be smiling for long. His book is entitled It’s Your Time: Activate Your Faith, Achieve Your Dreams, and Increase God’s Favor. Sounds great, if you don’t believe your Bible or you are ignorant of the Word.

The AOL article noted, “That’s a bunch of garbage, according to Barbara Ehrenreich’s new book Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. Plenty of people have plenty of faith and a great attitude and bad stuff still happens.” And “another few days of believing” isn’t always of much help, according to her book.

Ehrenreich writes, “If optimism is the key to material success, and if you can achieve an optimistic outlook through the discipline of positive thinking, then there is no excuse for failure. The flip side of positivity is thus a harsh insistence on personal responsibility: if your business fails or your job is eliminated, it must be because you didn’t try hard enough, didn’t believe firmly enough in the inevitability of your success. As the economy has brought more layoffs and financial turbulence to the middle class, the promoters of positive thinking have increasingly emphasized this negative judgment: to be disappointed, resentful, or downcast is to be a ‘victim’ and a ‘whiner.’”

It’s easy for Joel Osteen to preach this kind of message. He was handed his ministry on a silver platter. He’s made millions because he’s positive. His gospel is a denial of Hebrews 11 and those who died for their faith. Would he tell the prophets who were killed for preaching the Word that they just needed to be more positive? (Translated: “Don’t tell the truth. Just say what pagan, carnal, self-centered people want to hear.”) What is he going to say to Job when (and if) he meets him in glory? “Hey Job, I don’t know you, but if you had read my book you might not have lost everything.” What will he say to the martyr, Stephen? What would he say to the Apostle Paul who spent so much time in prison? How will he face the Christ who was beaten to a pulp? “Hey Jesus, Joel here. If you had just activated your faith you could have increased God’s favor.”
 
The pretty boy is preaching an ugly message. It’s time we stop letting this guy be the poster boy for Christianity. He’s the poster boy of a false gospel and a lie based in hell. He can’t tell the truth because he doesn’t know the truth. He can’t preach (he tells stories and jokes and mostly the same old hash warmed up) because he was never called to preach. It was a job he just couldn’t turn down. After all, look how rich he’s become preaching it.
 
There’s a sucker born every minute. They are listening to a seducer every week. They are buying seduction, and, sadly, they are finding it in Christian bookstores. God bless America, we’re the only people stupid enough to actually make this guy a poster child. The pretty boy is selling an ugly, unbiblical theology. You might listen to him and feel better, but it may result in the damnation of your soul.