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I have my favorite bookstores. I know that I’m old school, but I wish we still lived in the day when a bookstore was a bookstore. Now they are filled with ten thousand items that have nothing to do with the Christian faith. I’ve found books on losing weight for Christians, cooking for Christians, Christian aerobics, and a lot of other nonsense. Here’s a list of items you’ll probably never find in your local bookstore. But then again, you might.

  • The Plan of Salvation whoopee cushion
  • The Southwestern Seminary foam rubber cowboy hat – a specialty item for all the drug store cowboys at SWBTS
  • Complimentary tubes of Bengay provided by the Annuity Board
  • H. Spurgeon Candy Cigars
  • The W. A. Criswell bobblehead doll
  • The Trainer Toupee
  • “How to Speak with a Nasal Voice Inflection” by Vance Havner
  • The Fellowship Supper hairnet
  • “How to kill a church” seminar on VHS
  • “A Pastor’s Guide to Cheating in Golf” or “How I shot 63 from the back tees and beat Tiger Woods”
  • “Make Your Church a Body Shop: A Study in Singles Ministry”
  • Sin Now, Repent Later bumper stickers
  • “How to Write Your Own Translation of Scripture Without Any Knowledge of Greek or Hebrew”
  • “Catchy Phrases to Discourage Your Pastor Just Before He Preaches” by Disgruntled Members
  • “Things I Want to Say to the Easter and Christmas Crowds” – contributions from pastors in all 50 states
  • “Why I Killed Sunday Nights But Still Wanted Full Pay” by Anonymous
  • Golf balls inscribed with cranky members’ names – to hit into the woods or water
  • Believable Christian movies (Why does everyone in a Christian movie speak with an English accent?)
  • “The Deeper Life for People Who Wish to Remain Shallow” – by the Inconsistent Christian
  • “How to Keep from Tithing But Expect A Full-Service Church”
  • The Scratch and Sniff Bible – scratch the page and discover what Balaam’s donkey actually smelled like or what the Israelites smelled like after 40 years in the wilderness
  • The Alliterated Bible – every verse with a three-point alliteration
  • Republished Doug Marlette cartoon books of Rev. Will B. Dunn (Doug knew churches and preachers. It’s some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen. Preachers would buy them and read them just to keep their sanity if they were still available.)

I’d be interested in things you’ve thought about. Hey, let’s have a little fun. Lighten up. Enjoy life. Laugh a little. It won’t hurt you.

2 thoughts on “

  1. Thank you for posting this reading list Pastor Catt. I have to admit, my humour died decades ago, but no harm trying! I have saved this list and will definitely try to find some of these books. Thank you for sharing.

    Kind regards,
    K.L

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